You got to move it, move it!

I’ve talked to many moms who have said that babywearing hasn’t worked for them, for one reason or another.  I always kind of want to point out that, like anything else, babywearing is a tool.  It’s meant to help make life easier for you, but you may have to explore ways to make it work.  Babywearing is not necessarily a magic bullet (although for some babies it may be), it requires a little tweaking to figure out what works for you and your baby.

Babywearing has literally saved my life, so I’m a bit of an evangelist on the subject, and I know I am, and try to watch it.  Still, I’m just so enthusiastic about it, and while I don’t judge someone for giving up on it, I always find myself wanting to troubleshoot and figure out how to make things better for them.  Because it is a *tool*, meant to make your life *easier*!  I’m all about making everyones lives easier.

The number one thing that I think people don’t know when they first start babywearing, is that babies being worn want to MOVE.  I was able to wear Bella a few times while doing dishes or cooking, but mostly, that was too static for her.  I needed to move.  So while I was able to get some things done, ie: get her to sleep without losing my sanity as much, it wasn’t like I was Miss Chore-Accomplisher while she was on my back.  Mostly I was usually focused on getting her to sleep.  Sleep, baby, sleep!

That’s how I started vacuuming.  I probably also read this tip on The Babywearer (which is an excellent, amazing resource for moms interested in wearing their babes!), about vacuuming.  Vacuuming while the baby is on your back does a couple of things.  It makes you move, it provides rhythmic movement, it provides sound, and the babe is “swaddled”  (held tightly with fabric) to your body.  It reminds me in many ways of Dr. Karp’s method of the 5 S’s, for soothing colicky babes.  Suck, Swaddle, Side, Sway, and SHHHH.  Well, they don’t get suck or side, but they do get swaddle, sway, and shhhhh, plus your heartbeat, your closeness, your calm.

Some other ideas for moving:  walking the dog, walking up and down stairs (especially if they are squiggling, wiggling, seem uncomfy), walking back and forth in a long hallway (I’ve done this successfully in hotels), and a simple sway, especially with music.  I’ve also done this in hotels, where I’d just darken the room completely, put her on my back, and then stand in the darkest part of the room and sway back and forth.

It’s *saved* me.  I really really mean that.  So if you are a mom at your wits end with a child who won’t sleep, I really recommend giving it another shot even if it hasn’t worked out for you before.  Some things take a little practice, and take some effort, but it is so worth it in the long run.

Edited: September 10th, 2009

Sleep woes…

Bella is currently in a sleep-less cycle.  We go through phases, some she sleeps better, some worse, right now it is definitely in the “worse” phase.  She goes to bed late, gets up early, and tries to sleep horizontal all night long, kicking mama and pushing on Daddy.

So, what to do?

If past experience is any indication, just wait it out.

She goes through these phases, and when she is sleeping well, she sleeps very well.  She goes down easily, sleeps soundly, and sleeps a reasonable length of time.  When she’s not sleeping well she just isn’t, and it hasn’t seemed to matter what I do.

I confess that there are moments when she just won’t.  go.  to.  sleep.   When I get so frustrated, and I snap at her, “JUST LAY DOWN!”   Every once in a blue moon, that actually works, she lies down and goes to sleep!  (A miracle!)  But most of the time, it just makes her feel crappy.  Then it makes me feel crappy.  Then I remember being little, and scared, and unable to sleep, and my mom yelling at me, and then I get all upset with myself for snapping.  Getting her to sleep a few minutes sooner just isn’t worth making both of us feel awful.  The truth is that I wasn’t a very good sleeper either, and had many battles throughout my life with my mother, and having her anger directed at me when I was already desperately tired didn’t help things at all.

So, I wait it out.  I wish I had thought of it more this way when she was littler, because I stressed over her sleep *so* much, and honestly nothing I ever tried really accomplished anything.   I wish I could have talked myself through it a bit more, reminding myself that these are phases, many times sleep disruptions occur during developmental leaps, and ultimately:  this too shall pass.  It would’ve saved me a lot of useless anger.

Edited: September 8th, 2009

Revelations…

It’s still a revelation to me that other children do NOT need to be worn/vacuumed to sleep just about every time. My daughter is 2.5 years old, 42 lbs, and 38″ tall; and has spent about 90 minutes on my back today. Today was a “heavy use” (haha!) day as I kept her on my back to shorten the duration of her afternoon nap… but still, she is usually on my back for at least 20 minutes a day.

This is not, FWIW, a “Yay ME, I RAWK” post. The reality is that for me, and my child, babywearing is a necessity. For other children it may not be, or it may even be counterproductive. But from day one, literally, I have been wearing this child and cannot imagine being without it. I remember stumbling to the bathroom in the dark on the second or third day after she was born, and managing to get her into the sling finally. An absolute necessity because she insisted she be held, and I needed at least one hand free to… well, you know! I was unpracticed at slinging and didn’t have her in properly so one hand was still supporting her, but even having that one hand free was so helpful.

Snug in a Moby wrap

I am not sure which came first; the low milk supply or the high-needs baby, or if one created the other, but pretty soon I realized I had a child who wanted to be in arms All. The. Time. I ate with her in the sling, brushing crumbs off her sweet baby hair. I walked with her in the sling. As soon as she was big enough, I was reading tutorials and practicing getting her on my back in a mei tai; at about 3 months I started carrying her regularly on my back.

I cannot even count the number of times having a sling or carrier has literally saved the day for us. Quite recently (in March) was the day we were at Sea World San Antonio and lil’ stuff just… was… done. Overdone. And she just lost it, and I lost it and sat down and cried for a few minutes, unsure what to do with her because she was just being completely horribly impossible, and finally I threw her on my back in a carrier I had stashed in the diaper bag. Thank goodness, as I had about eight zillion miles to walk her out of there, through huge crowds, in raging Texas heat. Instead of my having to a) carry her (impossible) in my arms, or b) coax her screaming and tantruming out (also impossible), I was able to soothe her, give myself a moment, and get both of us out of there so we could calm down.

Sound asleep in a bustling DC hotel

When she had the flu, at about a year old, carriers saved the day too. Well, I actually had the flu also. Both of us just so sick, and she could not sleep. I wound up sleeping sitting up in a chair, with her in a mei tai tied to me. So both of us were able to sleep sitting up, and I didn’t have to worry about falling asleep and dropping her. Lifesaver!

One thing I did not expect was the way wearing my daughter on my back freed up my personal space.  I knew it would enable me to have my whole front free;  although the power of that cannot be underestimated until arms that have been full of baby for months are, finally, FREE.  But I didn’t know that in my own moments of frustration I could have a tiny bit of separation from her by putting her on my back, while still giving her the comfort of my body and presence.

Of all the reasons to be a mom in the Internet age, having access to *so* much information; the most helpful to me personally has been information about babywearing, access to information about carriers, carries, how-to’s, videos, tutorials, you name it. I feel so lucky to have had this, and try to think of having a child like Bella 15 years ago pre-Internet! Eeeks! No carriers? Just a stroller?!?!

I never did master much nursing in a sling or other carrier;  but we sure did master the sleeping-and-snuggling in the sling, and the comfort-baby-in-the-sling.  We never had a playpen, or a crib, but  did I ever invest in some lovely carriers;  and did they ever get a lot of use!  I’m actually getting a new carrier soon from a lovely mama who makes them over at Carry Me Mama.  She made my very favorite carrier, and I am so excited about the new one, which will hopefully fit my big strong girl a bit better!

This post seems random until you realize that I’m writing it minutes after wearing my daughter to sleep… again.

Edited: July 9th, 2009

Waking up gently

Bella got to bed really, really late Sunday night. Actually, she got to bed Monday morning at around 2am! She has had such sleep woes lately. Anyways, we are in our last few weeks of school, so it’s been a priority for me that we go. So I waited… and waited… and waited, the next morning, to wake her. I knew it was going to be tough.
So…
Babywearing to the rescue!
It was 9am, and we need to leave by 9:15 at the latest. I went upstairs, put on my carrier, and grabbed my big strong and sleepy pile of toddler cute, and got her on my back. This of course woke her up some but she was cozy and snug and safe and she was ok with it. So I just walked around getting everything ready and talking to her about our day, and all that we would do… and by the time I took her down at about 9:10, she was ready to get dressed. We were out the door by 9:15, no tears, no muss, no fuss!
I just thought I’d share this as an idea; I know lots of people wear their kids to sleep, as I do, but I haven’t heard of wearing them awake before!

Edited: May 6th, 2009