Sexism is dead. Or, not!

So yesterday Bella and I stopped by a bookstore. There’s a nice, if small, area for children, complete with a train table and lots of toys for sale. When we arrived, a little boy of about Bella’s age (late 2, early 3) was also playing. Bella went straight for the train table, then a bit later got bored and headed over to grab a ride-on horsey. She pranced around on her horsey, and of course this got the little boy interested, so he too ran over to grab a horsey.

Unfortunately for him, he grabbed a PINK horsey.

I was honestly bewildered to see his young, hip-looking, pierced mom, sneer at him “You don’t want a horse like THAT,” before she grabbed it away from him. Before I knew it she had whisked the little boy away. One aisle over, where she could angrily put him in time-out for being “bad.” The little boy was, of course, crying, his mom AND dad were now yelling at him, and Bella looked at me all concerned saying “Mommy, that boy is sad!”.

So. What kind of horse do you think the boy will choose next time? And then his mom will tell all her friends, “He is SUCH a boy, he just has NO INTEREST in pink things at all.” Some mystery there, huh? Genetics? Or Mommy goes HULK SMASH if you touch something pink?

I can’t help but wonder what the mom was so concerned about anyways. Did she think the little pink horsey would …. give her son Teh Gay?!?!?!

I suppose I looked pissed-off to hipster mom.  In fact, I was fairly pissed off.   She communicated in that moment utter disgust for a boy choosing something pink, not only to her son, but to me, and to my child.

So much for the idea that sexism is dead, huh?

Edited: September 17th, 2009

The Disney Princess thing…

Recently I’ve been involved in some very heated discussions about the Disney princess empire, and why I’m choosing to keep my daughter away from it.  (For as long as I can.)  Actually, heated isn’t even the right word.  I was attacked because of my stance that the Princess movies can and do contribute to a sexist view of women in the world, and they can and frequently do effect the way our little girls look at themselves and the women and men around them.

Currently my daughter is not yet 3.  So she is not yet in the “hot button” phase of the Princess obsession, for which I am grateful.  I am very, very hopeful that we will avoid the princess obsession through my own example and through providing her with alternate role models that are also female, fun, and (my personal preference) as ferocious as possible.

So for now, we watch things like Kiki’s Delivery Service, about a little female witch who saves the day!  And instead of pretending to eat a poison apple and fall into a sleep from which only her prince can save her, my little one pretends to rescue us on her broom.  Over and over.  One day she will be exposed to the idea of princess as helpless-heroine, I’m sure, it’s unavoidable.  But she will encounter it with a background of having seen women as RESCUERS, SAVIORS, the strong brave ones who saved the day!  She will see princesses through a different lens than a little girl who has never seen women in that role.

Beauty and the Beast is one of the movies which was up for discussion.  Someone pointed out that Beauty and the Beast is not exactly a *current* Disney production, which is true.  However it’s also true that Belle is promoted as one of the Princess’s, and so her story is told over and over all the time.  So it’s definitely relevant.  Let’s talk about the scene where Gaston proposes to Belle.

He tells her all about the fabulous life she’ll have, raising his babies and rubbing his feet.  To which she, rightfully, wrinkles her (tiny, pretty, and oh yes oh so white) nose.   Then he pins her up against the wall, telling her how lucky she will be.  She gracefully, gently, extricates herself and gives him the boot.

Excellent.

Er… except for the fact that this big, burly asshole felt completely entitled to waltz into her home, put his dirty feet on her table, and pin her to the wall.  Not something I want my daughter to believe is EVER ok.

Then of course there is the fact that ultimately she is held captive and falls in love with her captor.  A particularly disgusting message in light of the fact that men who kidnap little girls often work very hard to convince them that they are in fact their saviour, not their captor.

Frankly I do not feel our children lose anything by not being exposed to these ideas at a very young age, and further, I do think that we as parents have the power to say no to it.  If we cave and allow it into our homes, we give it our tacit approval, no matter what we say about it later.   We have options in this day and age, to NOT show our children things like this and still provide them with a huge world of pretend play, lots of various role models, and all kinds of rich stories to spark imagination.   I’m not anti-tv.  Well, I am, except I’m also human and deal with a high-needs child, so we do watch a lot of tv.  We watch Ni Hao Kai Lan, and Diego, and Kiki, and Totoro, and now Ponyo, and Sesame Street, and Dragon Tales.

I am not in my own mind a rabid feminist.  Apparently to others, I am!  Ironic as I’m a stay-at-home mom.  Then again, I’m not so great at dishes or housekeeping, and my husband does all the laundry.  So it’s my hope that my daughter will see both my husband and I sharing equal roles in our marriage and life together and learn by our example.

This is a really interesting video about masculinity in Disney movies.  In other words, yeah, it’s not only little girls who are effected by these ideas about gender.

I believe it’s possible to be a feminist mom without being a “no-fun” mom, and that’s what I aspire to be.

Edited: September 5th, 2009