Hmmm, not doing so well…

With this whole posting every day thing, am I? I blame myself, and the lack of a schedule we have around here these days. Bella’s sleep has been all over the place to the point where I literally broke down and cried the other night at 3 am when she would. not. go. to. sleep. Thank goodness for my husband, I need all the help I can get!

But Bella is now and always has been a high needs child. Never a mellow child.

Her latest antics include, if I raise my voice the slightest bit and for any reason (hello, biting my nipple!), she will stand up, stare me dead in the eye, and scream as loud as she can right in my face… “YOU STOP DOIN’ THAT! STOP DOIN’ THAT MOMMY!” It gives new meaning to the phrase “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

On the bright side it’s made me much more aware of my tone of voice, and I try to watch myself and stay more gentle… which is indeed what I prefer anyways. I was raised in a home with lots of yelling and loud people, so I tend to be fairly loud myself even if I’m not angry. I try every day to be a more gentle parent; honestly the “hardass” approach simply does not work with this child, at all, and even though I was raised that way it’s time to learn a new way.

I am not, however, permissive. Today after the aforementioned nipple attack, my subsequent holler, and Bella’s subsequent SCREAMING in my face, I took a few deep breaths and sat her down for a talk. I told her that I did not mean to yell, but that she hurt me and needs to be more careful nursing. I told her that screaming at Mommy like that is not ok and hurts my feelings. She replied with a hug and said that the bite was “a accident.” Sweet angel.

Later at the playground, she came up to me again and said “I sorry yellin’ at you Mommy!”

And again at the bookstore. “I sorry I yelled at you Mommy!”

Think it’s getting through? Now, rinse, lather, repeat times a million!

Who knew that my daughter would be teaching me so much? Who knew that so much of mothering would involve learning how to let go? Let go, and don’t hold a grudge, because how can you against a tempestuous two year old? Let go, and don’t bother making up some big punishment that she cannot understand anyways. Let go, because this is just a phase, and there is a more gentle way to handle it. Just take a deep breath, and let go.

Edited: June 9th, 2009