This is my medicine

Bella took a late nap today, and at around 5:30 I went upstairs to try to wake her. She wouldn’t get up, so I decided to take a bath; which meant, of course, that she had to wake up and jump right in the tub with me.
Anyways, after our bath, we were drying off and cuddling and she started to dance, arms flung wide, singing… “I need some… BOOBIES!” It was so precious. So of course, we start nursing, she is all nuzzled up in my lap nursing, and I am still sick, so was coughing. Talking to my husband I said, “I need to go and take some medicine.” (I’ve been taking guafinisen for the cough.)
Bella patted my breast and said, “This is my medicine.”
*swoon*
Oh yes, it was worth every bit of blood, sweat and oh so many tears, to get to this place.

Edited: April 21st, 2009

Medela violates the WHO code

The mommywebs are all in an uproar over the “Think Medela” advertising campaign that Medela has recently launched in Australia. You can view the ad here, alongside an excellent post about the issue.
Sometimes I think I’m in an unusual position as a lactivist in the sense that for me, I really have experienced the best of both worlds in terms of breast and bottlefeeding. Not at first. At first, it was so hard getting every drop of my milk. But later down the road, it was nice having a child who would greedily, happily, accept both breast or bottle.
So I have mixed feelings about the ad campaign. I see the offense, it is tied up in this statement:

“When you choose to breastfeed, you’re doing what’s best for your baby. When you choose Medela breastfeeding products, you’re doing what’s best for you both.”

I see the problems with this statement. However, I also think that there are a lot of women who don’t breastfeed at all because they see themselves being too “tied down” to their baby. I wonder if knowing they have the ability to pump and use bottles in addition to breastfeeding might actually help more moms make the decision to give breastfeeding a try. The biggest thing I learned in my breastfeeding battles, is that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing to provide a huge benefit to both mama and baby. I think that’s such an important message, and when I ponder all the reasons I’ve heard people offer for giving up on breastfeeding, I often wonder if a slightly more laid back, less “do or die” attitude, might not have saved the breastfeeding relationship.
So I do have some mixed feelings about this ad. Further, having used two medela breastpumps, the medela SNS, medela bottles for storage, and about a thousand other medela products, I can say with some assurance that my own breastfeeding relationship was helped enormously by the existence of the medela products.

Edited: March 12th, 2009

Facebook

Facebook has taken things above and beyond in their attack on breastfeeding moms. Here’s a link to peruse of pictures that Facebook has censored. Now some of them, I can understand. I actually get the idea that some companies might choose to not allow photos which include a shadow of nipple or areola to be photographed. But many of these photos don’t show a thing, nothing! Apparently just the implication of breastfeeding is enough.
http://www.tera.ca/photos6.html

Edited: January 6th, 2009

15 months and still nursing…

Bella is 15 months old today, and yep, we are still nursing. Several times a day, even. She pulls down my shirt in public, even! And I have to say that I am thrilled beyond belief to have nursed long enough to hear her giggle with glee as I approach with bared breasts.

Edited: March 30th, 2008

Sour milk…

I’m just back from a trip to Vegas. We had a great time, but I had an experience at the airport that I have to write about.
I had lugged my Pump in Style with me, and pumped at every available opportunity while we were there. I wanted to have plenty of breastmilk to carry with me on the plane for the trip back. Breastmilk is easier, because it keeps for longer at room temperature. (Up to 10 hours) So when we left for the airport, I took 11 ounces of breastmilk with me, plus a 4 ounce packet of formula, and figured that should be plenty for the 8 hours or so until we got home.
*sigh*
We went to lunch, then returned the rental car, then went to the airport, went through security, etc etc etc. Finally we are at the gate and sitting there, and I decide to combine the two bottles of breastmilk (I know you shouldn’t typically do this). I had a half-ounce left in one bottle that I poured into the bigger bottle which had about 7.5 ounces in it. When I opened it up to pour, I noticed that the milk looked… weird. Frothy. Foamy. Like an inch of foam, sticking to the sides of the bottle. Huh, I thought to myself… that is so weird! It couldn’t have gone bad, could it?
COULD IT?
I put a tiny bit of milk on the tip of my finger and tasted.
Ugh.
UGH.
OH NO.
My milk went sour!!!!!!
It had only been a few hours; the milk had been cold from the refrigerator and kept in an insulated bag. I know it is the desert, but damn… the milk was with me the whole time, I never left it in the car or anything like that. How could it go sour so fast!??!?!
But sour it was. Very sour. Ugh, the taste in my mouth was so awful. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
I started to panic. How the hell am I supposed to get through a four hour flight plus assorted travel time, with only 4 ounces of formula? My baby would starve! She would be freaking out! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!
I did not know what to do. I was so at a loss, and so horrified, and so dismayed, and all of this brought to head all my feelings of inadequacy related to being unable to fully breastfeed. All I could think was that if I were a NORMAL breastfeeding mama, none of this would be an issue. I’d be able to just, you know, FEED MY BABY.
I burst into tears in the middle of the airport. All the options I could think of were horrible. Just go, and do my best to nurse her and try to tide her over with the few ounces I could provide, on top of the four ounces of formula. There was no later flight available, so go get a hotel room for another night? Our luggage would still be on this flight and then we’d have to go through the whole hellaciousness of security and airport rigamarole again. What to do? I just sat there crying my eyes out.
Some well-meaning woman behind me asked, “Is everything ok?” I know she meant well, but lady… I’m in the airport bawling, clearly everything is not ok!
Finally my husband suggested we find someone else with a baby and see if we could beg or buy some formula from them. I hated this idea, but ok, ok, you have to do what you have to do.
I stopped the first woman I saw pushing a stroller, her baby actually looked to be similar in age. I asked if she had any formula she could spare, and this kind angel said “Oh my gosh, I have totally been where you are right now! Have you been crying?” (At which, of course I burst into tears again.) “Here, I have a can of enfamil you can have. Please don’t worry, we have plenty!”
Angel. Blessings to you. I’m crying even typing this. I thanked her profusely. Seriously, this woman saved the day.
I went into the bathroom at the airport and dumped my breastmilk into the sink, 4 days worth of pumping and pumping literally down the drain. I scrubbed out the bottle so I could make some formula and tried to stop crying.
So we wound up being able to get home with no problems. But you can bet that from now on I will have tons and tons of extra formula with me wherever I go! Hopefully I can someday return the favor this woman paid me, to some other mama and baby in need.
And I still have not figured out why my milk went sour!

Edited: August 7th, 2007

The Breast Crawl….

Very cool movie which ultimately shows a brand newborn baby scooching over to mama’s nipple…. all by herself!

Edited: June 28th, 2007

Prescription Only…

Suddenly I really do understand why someone would say to me that La Leche League is not “their kind” of organization. Not because what I’m writing about is a position of LLL; for the record, it absolutely is not! But because people associate breastfeeding militants with LLL. (Mistakenly, IMO.*)
I believe that I am probably one of the hugest lactivists you could ever come across. That’s why I’m sitting here chained to a breastpump when I could be in bed snuggling my baby and sleeping. That’s why I have been busting my ass for the past six months to give my baby every drop of breastmilk that I possibly can. That’s why I go to La Leche League meetings, nurse-ins, and it’s why I try my best to support other moms having breastfeeding problems.
But the “militants” are now telling me that not only does FORMULA KILL, but that formula should be available by prescription only. They seem to think they can force women to breastfeed.
However a woman who cannot breastfeed (like me, at least I cannot 100%) is not going to be helped by this policy. Neither is a woman who doesn’t breastfeed because, due to society making her believe her breasts are purely sexual, she believes it is disgusting. Neither will a woman who was sexually abused and cannot stand having her breasts touched. Neither will a woman who has minor breastfeeding difficulties but doesn’t have the resources to be able to overcome them. Lactation consultants cost money. Getting to La Leche League meetings is not always possible. Breastpumps are expensive, even renting them is expensive.
Babies are not going to be helped by this policy, because a mother who has no medical care is not going to suddenly magically have it due to this law. She’ll feed her baby cow’s milk and hope for the best. Mothers who do have access to good healthcare aren’t going to be served by this because, guess what… their babies will be hungry and screaming while they go through getting a doctor’s appointment, getting to the doctor, getting the prescription, getting to the pharmacy, getting the prescription filled. Having to do that when you are sick is torture. Having to do all that with a screaming baby is simply inhuman.
I had my husband go buy our first formula. It sat on a shelf in my kitchen for a week, while I popped fenugreek pills, drowned in Mother’s Milk tea, chowed on oatmeal, pumped like crazy, nursed on demand, and waited with so much hope and desperation for my milk to increase. I can’t even explain the heartbreak of that waiting (which continues, every day, no matter what I tell myself) to a mom who has never experienced it. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to know that. But to add insult to injury, to have to go to a doctor to explain that I don’t have milk… and then what, how do I prove it? Do they force me to do test weights in their office? Do they force me to try to nurse my desperate baby while they watch, to prove to them that I’ve tried? (As if a freaking out baby would nurse well anyways.) How exactly would a mother prove to a doctor that she needs formula? What would the test be? Who decides what the test will be?
The other aspect of this I find so interesting, is that frequently such militants are die hard anti-modern medicine. Yet they’d send a vulnerable new mother into a doctor’s office in a heartbeat to help support them as they sit up on high horses with full breasts wondering why moms like me don’t “get it.”
Breastfeeding is hard. Even when it works, it’s hard. It should not be up to me or anyone to tell a mother what to do with her body, whether that means to carry life or nourish it. I believe in breastfeeding with my whole heart and I’m so grateful for the tiny bit of success I have with it. But increasing rates of breastfeeding will never happen with a sledgehammer. Hurting a wounded woman while she’s down certainly won’t make her more receptive to your message.
Formula is not poison. It’s an option for babies who need it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I’m sending a hug out to all the other mamas who’ve needed, for all kinds of reasons, to feed their babies formula. You are a great mom to your baby!
I wish breastfeeding success were possible for every mom.
*LLL is an amazing organization full of all kinds of people, I’m sure some of the people are like this. But my experience with them has been mostly very supportive and open-minded. I’d encourage anyone to go to a LLL meeting or call a leader if they have a question about breastfeeding. You’ll be amazed how friendly they are!

Edited: June 24th, 2007

Tendonitis

I woke up a few weeks ago with my wrist in excruciating pain. I figured I’d slept on it weird, and ignored it. It has gotten progressively worse and worse, to the point where the pain was waking me up when I was sleeping. Yikes! It’s hard having a hurting wrist when you have a 19lb baby who wants to be held all the time!
I finally went and bought a brace, took some advil, and iced it. I made an appointment to see a sports medicine doctor. (All the orthopedists I can find are orthopedic surgeons.) By the time I got to the doctor appointment, it was feeling a little bit better.
So I’m holding Bella on my lap and talking to this doctor about my wrist, and he tells me that tendonitis is common in new mothers. Then he says that it probably has to do with the fact that I am still breastfeeding, causing my hormones to be out of whack. Then he made a very big deal of saying “Now, *I* am not telling you not to breastfeed!” It was so funny, in hindsight, I wish I’d said… “It doesn’t matter if you are!” After all I’ve been through, as if I’d let a little tendonitis scare me! HA! I laugh at your tendonitis!
But, hormones causing tendonitis? Breastfeeding causing tendonitis? Man they will grasp at any straw to imply moms should stop breastfeeding, won’t they? Funny, I thought it was all my time online using a MOUSE that was causing me tendonitis.
I’m back to wearing my brace, icing it and using advil, and it’s taking forever to get better. The other funny thing is that he offered me a cortisone shot, which I have no idea if it is safe during breastfeeding. (I’m going to find out.) But he assured me it was safe, while telling me that advil was unsafe. I know for a fact that ibuprofen is safe to take during breastfeeding, so this guy just heaped cluelessness upon cluelessness during my appointment.
But at least now if I decide I want the shot, I can go get it!

Edited: June 17th, 2007

Formula Kills…

I have been told recently that, “Formula Kills!” What a horrible thing to say. Formula is not perfect. But we are blessed to live in a time when we have a viable alternative for mamas like me whose babies WOULD DIE without another source of milk. The only reason I’m sitting here typing is because I’m chained to the breastpump popping domperidone and doing everything I can to get every last drop of breastmilk in my baby. But apparently it’s all for naught as FORMULA KILLS.
Argh. A little compassion, people. Not only that, but a little REASON. Formula is certainly better than giving a newborn cow’s milk and karo syrup which is what used to be done.
You can be a lactivist without shoving hate out into the world. To me, being a lactivist is about loving our babies as best we can, and showing other moms how great it is by example. NOT by trying to shove lactivism down their throats by implying that they will KILL their babies if they don’t breastfeed.
Here’s a photo of my beautiful baby nursing with the lact-aid. Which has either formula or breastmilk in it, depending.

Edited: June 17th, 2007

Maggie Gyllenhaal Nursing in Public…

How amazing is this photo! Go Maggie

Edited: May 15th, 2007