Sexism is dead. Or, not!

So yesterday Bella and I stopped by a bookstore. There’s a nice, if small, area for children, complete with a train table and lots of toys for sale. When we arrived, a little boy of about Bella’s age (late 2, early 3) was also playing. Bella went straight for the train table, then a bit later got bored and headed over to grab a ride-on horsey. She pranced around on her horsey, and of course this got the little boy interested, so he too ran over to grab a horsey.

Unfortunately for him, he grabbed a PINK horsey.

I was honestly bewildered to see his young, hip-looking, pierced mom, sneer at him “You don’t want a horse like THAT,” before she grabbed it away from him. Before I knew it she had whisked the little boy away. One aisle over, where she could angrily put him in time-out for being “bad.” The little boy was, of course, crying, his mom AND dad were now yelling at him, and Bella looked at me all concerned saying “Mommy, that boy is sad!”.

So. What kind of horse do you think the boy will choose next time? And then his mom will tell all her friends, “He is SUCH a boy, he just has NO INTEREST in pink things at all.” Some mystery there, huh? Genetics? Or Mommy goes HULK SMASH if you touch something pink?

I can’t help but wonder what the mom was so concerned about anyways. Did she think the little pink horsey would …. give her son Teh Gay?!?!?!

I suppose I looked pissed-off to hipster mom.  In fact, I was fairly pissed off.   She communicated in that moment utter disgust for a boy choosing something pink, not only to her son, but to me, and to my child.

So much for the idea that sexism is dead, huh?

Edited: September 17th, 2009

It could happen to you…

How likely is the following scenario?

A few days ago I took my daughter with me to Michael’s. While there, she happened to spy one of those little cardboard houses to paint and make into a Christmas ornament. She wanted it. It was like $.50, so ok. She told me she wanted it to be blue. So we went and picked out the exact shade of blue she wanted together too.

That night, after she was asleep, I sat down on the floor watching Dexter and painted the little house. I had my two little tiny reused bottlecaps of paint inside of a deep reused take-out tray. That way, no worries about spills, right?

I finished, took the whole business into the kitchen to let the little house dry so that I could later add some glitter accents.

Later, added the glitter accents.

That day, idiot me left the house with the tray with the two TINY bottle caps full of paint on the counter. What could go wrong???

My dog, that’s what. !@(*&@#$! Now my dogs paws are each at least twice as big as one bottle cap, but still. He managed to get the tray down, knock it over, and somehow then STEP INTO the bottle cap (the one with teal BLUE paint, of course, not the one with WHITE paint) and proceeded to leave teal blue paw prints All. Over. The. House. Every single step leading to the basement, the beige carpet.

The weirdest thing is that he literally did not *spill* a drop of paint. The paint was still in the darned bottle caps! He STEPPED IN the cap and got the paint on his foot.

I would just about kill for a video of this thing so I could laugh at it.

Meanwhile, I’ve been googling how to remove acrylic paint from beige carpet and found one lonely tip out there in the interwebz, to use rubbing alcohol. So in case this ever happens to you (likely, right?!), here’s the scoop. Dump the alcohol directly onto the stain, then scrub like crazy with a very absorbent towel (that you don’t mind chucking afterward). The stains are coming right out, but the fumes have me a bit dizzy. On the bright side, my floor is going to be So Clean!!!!!

Edited: September 12th, 2009

The Disney Princess thing…

Recently I’ve been involved in some very heated discussions about the Disney princess empire, and why I’m choosing to keep my daughter away from it.  (For as long as I can.)  Actually, heated isn’t even the right word.  I was attacked because of my stance that the Princess movies can and do contribute to a sexist view of women in the world, and they can and frequently do effect the way our little girls look at themselves and the women and men around them.

Currently my daughter is not yet 3.  So she is not yet in the “hot button” phase of the Princess obsession, for which I am grateful.  I am very, very hopeful that we will avoid the princess obsession through my own example and through providing her with alternate role models that are also female, fun, and (my personal preference) as ferocious as possible.

So for now, we watch things like Kiki’s Delivery Service, about a little female witch who saves the day!  And instead of pretending to eat a poison apple and fall into a sleep from which only her prince can save her, my little one pretends to rescue us on her broom.  Over and over.  One day she will be exposed to the idea of princess as helpless-heroine, I’m sure, it’s unavoidable.  But she will encounter it with a background of having seen women as RESCUERS, SAVIORS, the strong brave ones who saved the day!  She will see princesses through a different lens than a little girl who has never seen women in that role.

Beauty and the Beast is one of the movies which was up for discussion.  Someone pointed out that Beauty and the Beast is not exactly a *current* Disney production, which is true.  However it’s also true that Belle is promoted as one of the Princess’s, and so her story is told over and over all the time.  So it’s definitely relevant.  Let’s talk about the scene where Gaston proposes to Belle.

He tells her all about the fabulous life she’ll have, raising his babies and rubbing his feet.  To which she, rightfully, wrinkles her (tiny, pretty, and oh yes oh so white) nose.   Then he pins her up against the wall, telling her how lucky she will be.  She gracefully, gently, extricates herself and gives him the boot.

Excellent.

Er… except for the fact that this big, burly asshole felt completely entitled to waltz into her home, put his dirty feet on her table, and pin her to the wall.  Not something I want my daughter to believe is EVER ok.

Then of course there is the fact that ultimately she is held captive and falls in love with her captor.  A particularly disgusting message in light of the fact that men who kidnap little girls often work very hard to convince them that they are in fact their saviour, not their captor.

Frankly I do not feel our children lose anything by not being exposed to these ideas at a very young age, and further, I do think that we as parents have the power to say no to it.  If we cave and allow it into our homes, we give it our tacit approval, no matter what we say about it later.   We have options in this day and age, to NOT show our children things like this and still provide them with a huge world of pretend play, lots of various role models, and all kinds of rich stories to spark imagination.   I’m not anti-tv.  Well, I am, except I’m also human and deal with a high-needs child, so we do watch a lot of tv.  We watch Ni Hao Kai Lan, and Diego, and Kiki, and Totoro, and now Ponyo, and Sesame Street, and Dragon Tales.

I am not in my own mind a rabid feminist.  Apparently to others, I am!  Ironic as I’m a stay-at-home mom.  Then again, I’m not so great at dishes or housekeeping, and my husband does all the laundry.  So it’s my hope that my daughter will see both my husband and I sharing equal roles in our marriage and life together and learn by our example.

This is a really interesting video about masculinity in Disney movies.  In other words, yeah, it’s not only little girls who are effected by these ideas about gender.

I believe it’s possible to be a feminist mom without being a “no-fun” mom, and that’s what I aspire to be.

Edited: September 5th, 2009

Sigg: Lying liars who lie!

I know I’ve been on a bit of a blog hiatus, but this story needs telling in as many places as possible.   Now I must confess that I consider myself lucky here because I’ve never been a big fan of Sigg, but I’ve always kind of felt like I was missing something because of this.  I have one of their bottles, but never used it much.

Well, as it turns out, their original Sigg bottles with the coppery lining contains BPA.  Not only does it contain BPA, but Sigg knew this and covered it up repeatedly, using tricky language to try to confuse people.  They affirmed over and over that their bottles do not leach BPA, which may be true, but millions of those bottles were purchased by people who were attempting to avoid BPA altogether.

Check out the first expose’ article over at ZRecommends.   When you’ve finished that one, check out their follow-up article which is equally disturbing and discusses the fact that the new, “safe” lining Sigg is promoting may also be toxic.

I cannot imagine doing business with this lying company ever, ever again.

Edited: August 24th, 2009

Back from vacation…

We’ve just returned from a positively lovely vacation down in Clearwater, FL.  So lovely, in fact, that I really REALLY did not want to come back, and I never say that.  I could easily see myself living down there, surrounded by water, the gorgeous Tampa Bay on one side and the stunning Gulf of Mexico on the other.  *sigh*

Anyways, I must say our trip out was quite pleasant, but all the asshats came out of the woodwork on the way home.  So I’d like to present a few asshat awards.

The first asshat award goes to:  The TSA agent at Tampa Bay Airport!  I have traveled several times with my daughter and always bring a bottle of water, and a bottle (or other container) of milk for her.  I declare these items as we go through security, they do a little test on them, and it has never been a problem.  Until yesterday, when Asshat #1 approached us after doing the test and said that he wants me to know that when they say they allow milk and juice/water for babies, they really mean “children in a stroller.”  I replied, “She is 2.”  I know she looks big for her age, she is 38″ tall!  He said, “Well still, really they mean toddlers in a stroller.”  Hmm.  Ok, a few things in response to you, Mr. Asshat.

1)  Some people can’t afford strollers, you elitist idiot.
2)  Toddlers are not defined by their mode of conveyance.  Actually, had you peeked as we came through the metal detector you would’ve seen that she was riding on my back in a carrier just moments before your lame shpiel.
3)  I would’ve had to take her out of the stroller to go through the metal detector anyways!
4)  Ultimately it comes down to the fact that you were annoyed at having to take the five seconds it took you to do that stupid test on our water and milk.  I feel your pain, really, five WHOLE seconds out of your day, but complain to your superiors, not me.  This liquids rule is ridiculous on every level.  If a terrorist wants to make a bomb with liquid, they can just pee in a cup!!!!

Next we have the asshat in the airport.  Bella had been playing in the airport play area (very cool one in Tampa’s airport, all planes and clouds to climb on), so had her shoes off.  I had gone to a little shop right nearby to get a package of band-aids for a blister on my toe.  After I paid, I turned around and there is my husband with Bella in arms:  She needs to pee and won’t let me take her!  So of course I grabbed her and dashed to the nearest bathroom, shoes be damned!

Coming out of the bathroom, we went over to our gate.  It was very crowded, there were not many seats, and finally I chose a seat and went to put her down.  My 42 lbs of toddler deliciousness is HEAVY and I didn’t want to put her down on the floor until we had her shoes.

But, hello, Mr. Asshat #2!  Who interrupted me as I put down my heavy girl to say “That is my wife’s seat!”  Well now that is not so bad, is it?  Except that there was an empty seat next to him on his other side.  Literally, an empty seat right next to him on his other side.  Maybe his wife insists on only sitting on his right?  I do not know, but I put Bella down for a minute, took a breather, and moved her to the seat on his other side.  Asshat!  There was really no reason for this except to be a jerk, and a jerk to a mom with a small child no less.

I don’t mean to sound like I did not have a good time on my trip, I did!  It’s just that the return trip was yesterday, I did not want to come home, and so the asshats on our way back are lingering in my mind.  Just one picture before I go, Bella ready for anything on our visit to the amazing and wonderful Clearwater Marine Aquarium!

Ready for anything!

Edited: July 22nd, 2009

World gone mad…

Complete and total insanity; a 13 year old honor student was strip-searched by a nurse and secretary looking for drugs, at her high school.

“Children call their private parts their private parts for a reason. They not subject to exposure, to observation by school officials. When children are strip-searched, they experience trauma that’s similar in kind and degree to sexual abuse,” says Wolf.
School lawyer Wright counters, “We just have to ask ourselves, as a policy matter, do you really want a drug-free environment? And if you do, then there are going to be some privacy invasions when there is reason to suspect that those drugs are being dispensed on campus, that they’re being used by students.”

I think I’d rather have the possibility that there are some drugs floating around school than have my daughter violated and stared at in the nude for no good reason.
This case is before the Supreme Court now.

Edited: April 23rd, 2009

Scream-it-out

Lately, other moms are driving me nuts. I am on no high horse; I’m well aware that mothering is a journey we are all on, and most of us are trying to do our best for our kids. Some, I’m happy to judge, like Racist Mom (who believes that the 9th Ward destruction was really “no big deal”), and Sexist Mom. But mostly, no, I don’t judge. I’m not perfect. I have yelled, cried, sobbed, ran into the bathroom and locked myself in while my daughter cried for me, I’ve done all kinds of things to cope with being a mom. I do the best I can, and I try harder when I screw it up (which is often).
But… screaming it out?
First, I do disagree with CIO (cry it out) as a parenting method for most kids. I know that for some kids it works great; they cry for a few minutes and then settle down and go to sleep. Excellent! I don’t have a problem with that. But most parents hear “cry it out” and believe that they should let their child cry for as long as it takes. (Which is, btw, not at all what Ferber recommends!) So you wind up with situations like this one.
Today in preschool my daughter was all enamored of one of her friends, little 2 year old G, and her big sister, 4 year old M. They were loving on each other, hugging each other, playing together, and my daughter was just in love. She was following them around with stars in her little eyes. I have baby lust anyways, so I said something about how Bella obviously wants a sibling just as much as I do. Her mom said “Yeah, good luck with that!” I replied with something about how Bella has been really challenging and I hope my next child is a bit easier, and asked if G (her second) was easier?
She rolled her eyes and said NO, G is *worse.* Would I believe that she didn’t get any sleep the night before because G screamed all night long?
She told me that G screamed and screamed and screamed for three solid hours before she lost track. But that she can’t give in because “then it would all be downhill!” (As if it could get worse? How exactly could it get worse?)
I was dumbfounded, and rendered speechless. Not a state I am used to. I really like this little girl, G, and she is adorable! Bella likes her and was saying her name. So it felt personal to me in a way that hearing stories of babies on the internet does not. I stammered out something about us co-sleeping, and the mom responded that she did co-sleep with M, but couldn’t with G. “It’s not fair to M, you know? Since she is not allowed to do it anymore, I don’t see how we can let G do it.”
But it’s FAIR to let the little one scream alone in a crib all night?
What is fair about that?
I myself have succumbed to the “You’re just not being firm enough” monster of popular parenting several times myself, always to have it blow up in my face. Bella doesn’t respond well to strong arm tactics. There are more than one way to do things. So why do so many parents paint themselves into a corner like this? Why is this the hill she wants to die on?
I was still thinking about all of this while I put Bella down for her nap. We’ve been working on her night time sleep and it has gotten much better this week, but naps are still kind of askew. I held her snuggled up close to me while she had a bottle. She lay there staring dreamily off into space and very gently stroking my eyelashes. She has never done that before, but it was pretty amazing. Then when she clearly was unable to fall asleep, I threw her on my back and pulled out the vacuum. Within three minutes, she was out like a light, and has been for the past two hours.
Why not invest the time to parent your child to sleep instead of leaving them to scream? Let’s say that it takes 45 minutes of your day. That is still better than hour upon hour of screaming, isn’t it?
This has certainly given me a new perspective into my own child’s sleep woes.
I don’t get it. And this is one of the very few times when I’m glad to say that my way is better.

Edited: October 8th, 2008

One of *those* nights…

Well I’m having my second post-baby cycle, and it has just knocked me on my ass. I slept for three hours during Bella’s nap today, which is *nuts* for me. I’m just wiped. So tonight, after her bath, when Bella asked to go on Daddy’s back, I thought.. YES! Score! They went out for a walk, and I was left to my own devices. Peace and quiet, for a change. It was almost 10 pm, so I felt perfectly reasonable to assume that Bella would be sleeping when they returned. I pulled out the laundry that needed folding, ordered The Boleyn Girl on OnDemand, and settled in to enjoy myself when…
…
Yep, they came back. “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” echoing up through the hallway.
My husband said she wouldn’t stop asking for me.
Er… and that matters to me HOW exactly? I don’t think he gets, sometimes, that she spends All. Day. Long. asking for him. But he is at work, there is no option. Why not pretend I’m at work? *sigh*
Sometimes I just have a hard time shifting gears, and tonight was one of those times. Of course she immediately is getting into the laundry (she “helps” by picking up my nice neat piles and tossing them willy nilly), climbing all over me, wanting to nurse, wanting this and that and to watch Elmo and crocodiles and.. ARGH. Finally I get up, start straightening up, having decided to wear/vacuum her down.
I get to vacuuming, figuring it will only take a few minutes.
Er…
Well, 20 minutes later I am dripping with sweat, but she wakes up as soon as I turn off the vacuum. I decide that’s ok, because she should really go to sleep on her own anyways now that she is wound down and sleepy. Put her in bed and she wants to nurse, she wants mama, she wants this and that. I nurse her for a minute (sometimes I think this nursing is like her way of proving that mama is really there with her), give her her bottle, and hope for the best. A few minutes later, thinking she is sleeping, I try to sneak away and…
She wakes completely.
So now she is out being driven down by my husband.
But you can’t say I didn’t try!
Of course now it is too late to watch the Boleyn Girl if I want to be functional in the morning.

Edited: August 19th, 2008

Tendonitis

I woke up a few weeks ago with my wrist in excruciating pain. I figured I’d slept on it weird, and ignored it. It has gotten progressively worse and worse, to the point where the pain was waking me up when I was sleeping. Yikes! It’s hard having a hurting wrist when you have a 19lb baby who wants to be held all the time!
I finally went and bought a brace, took some advil, and iced it. I made an appointment to see a sports medicine doctor. (All the orthopedists I can find are orthopedic surgeons.) By the time I got to the doctor appointment, it was feeling a little bit better.
So I’m holding Bella on my lap and talking to this doctor about my wrist, and he tells me that tendonitis is common in new mothers. Then he says that it probably has to do with the fact that I am still breastfeeding, causing my hormones to be out of whack. Then he made a very big deal of saying “Now, *I* am not telling you not to breastfeed!” It was so funny, in hindsight, I wish I’d said… “It doesn’t matter if you are!” After all I’ve been through, as if I’d let a little tendonitis scare me! HA! I laugh at your tendonitis!
But, hormones causing tendonitis? Breastfeeding causing tendonitis? Man they will grasp at any straw to imply moms should stop breastfeeding, won’t they? Funny, I thought it was all my time online using a MOUSE that was causing me tendonitis.
I’m back to wearing my brace, icing it and using advil, and it’s taking forever to get better. The other funny thing is that he offered me a cortisone shot, which I have no idea if it is safe during breastfeeding. (I’m going to find out.) But he assured me it was safe, while telling me that advil was unsafe. I know for a fact that ibuprofen is safe to take during breastfeeding, so this guy just heaped cluelessness upon cluelessness during my appointment.
But at least now if I decide I want the shot, I can go get it!

Edited: June 17th, 2007

Formula Kills…

I have been told recently that, “Formula Kills!” What a horrible thing to say. Formula is not perfect. But we are blessed to live in a time when we have a viable alternative for mamas like me whose babies WOULD DIE without another source of milk. The only reason I’m sitting here typing is because I’m chained to the breastpump popping domperidone and doing everything I can to get every last drop of breastmilk in my baby. But apparently it’s all for naught as FORMULA KILLS.
Argh. A little compassion, people. Not only that, but a little REASON. Formula is certainly better than giving a newborn cow’s milk and karo syrup which is what used to be done.
You can be a lactivist without shoving hate out into the world. To me, being a lactivist is about loving our babies as best we can, and showing other moms how great it is by example. NOT by trying to shove lactivism down their throats by implying that they will KILL their babies if they don’t breastfeed.
Here’s a photo of my beautiful baby nursing with the lact-aid. Which has either formula or breastmilk in it, depending.

Edited: June 17th, 2007